Oct 8, 2019
What happens
when at 19 yrs old you miscarry and at the same time are told by
doctors you will never have any more children? In this
episode, Corinna Pulatie shares the devastating experience of
learning she would never be a mother again. She also vulnerably
shares about the pressure women can sometimes feel to not ever feel
sad or ungrateful when their Rainbow Baby (the surviving child
after miscarriage) comes into her life. Corinna voices her
wrestling through the grief of the loss of her pregnancy as well as
the shame she felt for the times she was not filled with joy once
her newborn arrived.
Corinna is wife to Caleb, mom to two wonderful boys, part-time
accountant, and an avid baker and cook. Her overwhelming passion in
this life is learning more about God and understanding just how
much everything is His providence.
00:33 Other women's perspectives
7:24 Intro to Corinna & why this topic is important to talk
about
13:24 Has she always been bold & said what was on her
mind?
16:24 Did she plan to have kids? Her
story
17:13 Life before the Miscarriage
19:13 Losing the pregnancy
21:51 Additional devastating news
23:19 What the wrestling was like for her - her identity
changed
26:22 Where she is in the grieving process -Life after the
birth of her Rainbow Baby - needing permission to feel anything but
grateful
33:44 Fear while pregnant after miscarriage
36:40 The difficulty in seeing other babies after her
miscarriage
37:16 Thinking she could've done something to prevent the
miscarriage happening
39:00 What she wishes we knew - How do we support women better
who've been through miscarriage?
-tread gently, try not to assume we know what
they've been through
-Don't assume this has been a devastating event for
her
-Allow her to grieve the way she needs to
-Let women share at their own pace & encourage them
when they do
-Don't tell them how they should be feeling
-Let them know you are thinking about them (in person
or in text)
Not sharing the pregnancy ahead of time then had the
consequence of no one knowing what she had been through
49:40 Corinna's Big Reveal
51:55 Kathleen's Parting Words
Identity changes that can come with grief
What about women who don't experience miscarriage as a
devastating experience?
Helpful things:
- Ask them if they want to talk about it
- Still invite them to baby related events - give them the option to say no
- If you realized you've not said helpful things to another woman in her grief, please be kind to yourself. Some of this is just not intuitive.
Common things I heard from women to NOT
say:
-
it's for the best.
-
You can try again.
-
At least _______
-
It was meant to be.
-
God must've needed another angel.
-
God has a plan.
-
They are in a better place.
-
They weren't meant for this world.
Wanna hear the why behind Corinna's Big
Reveal? Become a Patreon Member of this podcast and get
access to the "Interview After the Interview"
episode. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew
Are you a visual learner? Wish you had in written form
all the guest's tips about how to be a loving supportive
friend? Become a $2/month patreon member and receive an
Episode Guide that outlines all her practical tips (as well as some
others we didn't discuss).
Have more questions for Corinna? Become a
$5/month Patreon Member and get access to a Live Q&A with
Connie inside our Patreon Exclusive Access Facebook
Group. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew
Facebook: @WhatSheWishesYouKnew (https://www.facebook.com/WhatSheWishesPodcast/?view_public_for=102012094502893)
Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters